Thinking Cubed

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Changing your destiny is as easy as changing your thoughts. It really is.

Changing your destiny is as easy as changing your thoughts. It really is.

Our choices don’t determine our thoughts. Our thoughts determine our choices. If you think negatively you’ll act negatively. Negative things will be prominent in your life. If you think positively you’ll act positively. Positive things will be prominent in your life. It really is this simple.

I use the word “prominent” because shit happens. You can be negative and good shit will still happen. You can be positive and bad shit will still happen. It’s what you do with this “shit” that makes the difference. Every situation in life carries with it a seed of extreme opposition. Every good thing in life come with the power of destruction. With every bad thing in life comes the power to create.

Positive and negative is a perspective. Events in life are neither positive or negative. They are just events. It’s our mindset that determines if the event is good or bad. As you know I’m in prison right now. Most of the world view this as a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks being locked up. But I’ve chosen to try to see the positive in everything.

I’ve taken advantage of this situation to become the best me that I can be. I spend most of my time on improvement and learning. By thinking about prison as an opportunity rather than a setback and choosing to better myself, I’m changing my destiny.

I study business and investment, so I can own my own company doing what I enjoy. I study philosophy to get different views on how the universe walks. Instead of being stuck with what I was told to believe as a child, I study psychology to understand why people do what they do, without judging.

I spend time on this website to help people see the power of the mind, to encourage them/you to not only think positively but just to think. I really enjoy helping people. I love mentoring. Not mentoring an individual on a regular basis to teach them all my ways. Mentoring on a situation basis. (There’s a guy I hang out with, he’s not the best with money but would like to get it under control. I try to help him with his money, but I don’t push my workout routine on him.) I’ll have a bigger opportunity to mentor more people in a few months. I’m excited about this new opportunity.

By choosing to do these things, I’m building a foundation for the future I desire. I am creating the destiny that I want. Right here in a place most of the world views as a setback, I only see open doors.

What do you see in your own life? Set back or open doors. Do you understand that your future is determined by the choices you make right now? You can change your destiny. The power is between your ears.

My Regression Therapy

Changing our perspectives and habits can sometimes be painful. Forcing us to think about and come to terms with our past. We’ve already gone over this a bit with the stories I shared about forgiveness. Those were the beginning of my regression therapy.

I believe regression therapy is vital to becoming who we truly are as individuals.

Psychologists say that children develop who they will become by the age 7-8. Their morals, beliefs, personalities, perspectives. I tend to agree with this but look at it from a different angle.

I think that by 7-8 years old we lose ourselves. We learn who to become from listening to other people’s opinions about us. We build our thought patterns around these opinions.

Look at every 3-4-year-old you know. Try to imagine yourself at that age. They are curious, opinionated, risk takers. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to get it.

They don’t give two shits about your opinion of them. You think they’re weird for eating play-dough, they’ll go eat a crayon to prove they don’t care.

My son is a great example of creativity and going after what he wants. When he was about 18 months I would take him to my mom’s. I would rearrange all her furniture to create a cage for him because my mom had a lot of fun breakables that he loved. Take your eyes off him for 10 seconds and he’s through the barricade with a porcelain lighthouse in his hands.

A lot of people see children as a pain when they get into stuff. I see intelligence and creativity. I see an individual who is unafraid. I see perfection.

Within those early years, we start adopting other people’s opinions. Our perspective of the things we experience gets based on those other options, not our own. We start to lose some of our perfection.

I like regression therapy. It takes me back to perfection. With a more mature mind, I’m able to look back and see when a perspective originated. Make amends with it and work to change it. Not only does it help to change thought patterns that have devastated me for years, I became more authentic. The individual I was created to be.

I’ve told you I’ve never had any respect for money. I’ve also been a bit of a clepto my whole life. The regression therapy I did to try to figure these 2 issues out was painful. I had to make amends for some fucked up shit I did when I was about 8.

There were a number of opinions I believed about money. It’s difficult to say which ones played a major role.

There were a number of experiences that surrounded disrespecting money and stealing. One experience stands out the most.

As a child, I would get bored very fast and wouldn’t want something new to play with. We were on the lower income side. I couldn’t just go ask my mom for a new toy even if it were only a few dollars.

This is my earliest memory of stealing. It also involves lying. Lying has also been a huge issue my whole life.

I went into my parent’s room one day while my mom was asleep. I can’t remember if this was preplanned or if I had just gone in there and she didn’t wake up. At some point, I decided to go into her purse. I ended up finding 20 bucks and took it. I snuck out of the room. All clear. I got some money and didn’t get caught.

I wanted to buy a toy gun, but I needed a believable excuse about how I came upon a $20 bill. A few days earlier my brother found 5 bucks in a store parking lot. I figured I could use this excuse.

I went to the Jr. high by our house and chilled for a while. When I got back home my mom was awake. I played it off. I acted excited. I told my mom all about how I just found 20 dollars in the school parking lot. I asked her to take me to the store, so I could buy a couple toys. She needed to go get some food anyways and said yes.

We got to the store. She only had a small list she needed to get and decided to just send me in. She went into her purse for the list and money. She became clearly upset. She couldn’t find the money.

She wasn’t angry or mad. It was a concern and sorrow. She needed that money for food and couldn’t find it. (That’s how I saw it back then. Now, I’m sure that sorrow and concern was about something much deeper than food).

She questioned me about the money I found. She asked me to be honest. Asked me if I took it from her. She needed it. I didn’t budge. I stayed true to my lie.

(This story is full of dirtbag moves. Check this out.) I actually told her I’d only get one toy. A really cheap one. I would use the rest of the money for food. (Don’t take me for some heartless P.O.S. I felt horrible the whole time. I had just stolen from my mom and lied. But I would have been in some serious trouble if I backed out and confessed. I had to play it out.)

I went in the store, got a cheap toy gun. Got the food. I got a box of Good-N-Plenty. My mom loves Good-N-Plenty. I wouldn’t admit to stealing and lying but I would apologize. The Good-N-Plenty was my way of apologizing. She knew this.

She didn’t say one word to me on the ride home. She was pissed. I found the Good-N-Plenty unopened in the trash that night, they were tainted.

Not another word was said about the missing 20 dollars. I never got punished. I thought I got away with it.

At least that’s what I thought then. I look back and know that I had been found out. It’s just hard to accuse someone without proof.

I thought I was pretty good at lying and stealing. I went on to become very good at both. I started to believe that money wasn’t important. It comes and goes. I didn’t get in trouble, it didn’t matter, money isn’t important.

Like I said, there were other situations that compounded these beliefs. Going back and reliving this experience with an outside view has helped me in many ways. I now respect money. I see the pain and distrust lying causes. Stealing has no place in my life anymore.

Being locked up I’m very dependent on help from my family. I look at the money they give me and visualize what else they could have done with it. Was that money my mom just put on my account money she could have used to go to a movie or out to eat? Maybe she might need it later for gas. IT might be a sacrifice, it might not be. I respect it either way.

Where we get confronted about lying or stealing, it’s still wrong and we still get found out. I don’t remember many times that I would go to a store and not take a candy bar. I lied my way through life I was so damn good.

I couldn’t really tell the truth because I lied so much. Telling the truth would most likely contradict a lie I had already told. It’s a pain in the ass to constantly have to remember old lies and make up new ones. It’s so much easier to tell the truth and deal with the consequences.

I don’t even need to go into stealing. Even taking a single fun sized piece of candy is wrong. We all know this.

I’m not perfect, I still have some issues with lying. I was talking to a friend the other day who is invested in going to school to work on diesels. I caught myself wanting to tell him I had gone to UII. For whatever reason, I wanted to make myself look good. I could have bullshitted him the whole way. I know a decent amount about diesel engines.

Why lie to him though?  It goes against everything I’m working on in my life. I told him the truth. I told him how my church had wanted to put me through school to become a diesel mechanic. I told him how I was an idiot and didn’t take advantage of it. 

I was talking to my sister a couple weeks ago. She asked me about my 2nd attempt at PSI basic. She asked if I had specifically done something while I was there. I lied. I knew for a fact that I had done what she was asking about. I told her “I might have” when I knew I had. I felt guilty instantly even for this “half lie.” It took me a couple minutes, but I decided to fully admit it. “Yes, I definitely did do that.”

It felt good to tell the truth. Even about doing something that was screwed up on my part. It feels good to be honest and have nothing to hide.

There are many ways to do regression therapy. It also goes by other names. A counselor of mine was talking about “shadow thinking,” it’s basically the same thing.

Regression therapy can be done through guided meditation, in an office with a professional. Just taking some time to do some deep thinking on your own. Putting pen to paper.

Most of mine is done with just me and my thoughts. The more I write this website the more I enjoy putting pen to paper. There is power in this. When I take what I’ve thought about pretty well and write it down I expand on it more. I read what I’ve written and know that it goes deeper than I thought, more emotion. Other events that added to an issue. More to make amends for.

As I was writing this story about stealing from my mom I realized, I don’t think I’ve talked to her about this. There is power in pen to paper. Uninterrupted, unedited communication. Pen to paper can bring new revelations every time you reread and rewrite.

I didn’t have a bad childhood and this stuff is still painful. I don’t know what it would be like to live and mentally relive a childhood full of abuse, drugs, homelessness, neglect. I did live it later in life thought I know it is fucked up.

For those of you with a childhood like that, I don’t recommend doing this alone. Have someone there to support you. A close friend, mentor, or professional.

I definitely don’t recommend taking any medication. Just my thoughts on it but I’ve taken meds and they only did one of two things. They either numbed me mentally which was only a cover up and didn’t fix anything. Or, they made the issue worse.

I’ve been clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’ve been told by a counselor in prison that I am manic depressive, bi-polar with suicidal tendencies.

I’ve taken a number of meds that did nothing to help. I stopped taking the meds and started dealing with the source of the issues.

I’m not going to say these issues like depression are gone. But, they are far less severe and far less often. I can recognize the signs/symptoms very early. Figure out what’s causing my issue and correct it. Meds won’t help fix anything. Your mind will.

Although these are events later in life that can mess us up, I think most of the changes/healing will come when we realize those early years of innocence. When we make amends with these events where our perfection was slowly stripped from us.

What events stripped away some of your perfect authenticity?

Do you want it back?

I sure as hell do!

What needs forgiveness in your life?

That book Jason sent me in 2015 is called, “You’ll See It When You Believe It” by Wayne W. Dyer. There are a lot of very deep concepts in this book that have helped me look beyond myself and become a better person, inside and out. I’ll go over these concepts and how they’ve helped me, a little at a time.

The most impactful concept for me when I started this journey was forgiveness and it will always play a major role. Think about this concept: the universe does not forgive because it does not blame. Feeling the need to forgive someone, whether it’s yourself or someone else is usually prompted by a desire to no longer blame them.

Being able to truly forgive is key to making changes in life. True forgiveness is letting go of negative thoughts and feelings that hold us back. As we know, our perspective of is a big part of our thoughts. So, let’s dive deeper into our perspective and bring forgiveness along for the ride. You might need it to make a true change.

Before we get into this, I want to talk to those of you who may suffer from depression. The journey you are hopefully about to join me on is a challenging one. We’re going to reveal some deep shit.

There are 2 things to keep in mind that are equally important.

1: Truly forgiving the situations and people in your past will greatly reduce the depression associated with it/them. It’s worth it!

2: Understand that your brain is another muscle and burns a lot of calories. Working out a new muscle is difficult at first, but it gets easier with time. You’re probably going to be fatigued at first or “emotionally drained.” This is a natural, physical side effect and it is directly related to how much effort you put into your thoughts. If you get physically drained the day or 2 after “deep thinking” do not slip into depression! Take pride in that exhaustion, knowing you have made a significant impact on your mental health for the better! Eat something healthy and do something that doesn’t require a lot of mental energy. You’ll be back to normal shortly. Probably better than normal.

Sometimes to truly change our perspective, of situations or people, we have to think back to when that perspective originated. There will be times when forgiveness is the only way to change the perspective.

Ready? Let’s start thinking.

Early 2016, I just read a section in “You’ll See It When You Believe It” about forgiveness. I was intrigued by this. I started thinking about who I need to forgive and who I’d like forgiveness from and the situation involved. At first, it was easy. There was a ton of things that needed forgiving.

I went down my list of names and the situation involved with those people. I forgave and asked for forgiveness right then. The other people didn’t need to be around to let go of the pain. It’s my pain and mine to let go of.

I finished with my mom and went on to my sis. I couldn’t place my finger on it but there seemed to be more to deal with involving my mom. As I finished with sis and went on to my brother Joe, I got the same feeling that there is more to be forgiven with sis, even though I couldn’t think of anything else. When I got to the end of the list with Joe, I got the same feeling again, that it goes deeper, and decided to figure it out before I moved on to the next person on my list.

It didn’t take long to figure out this deeper issue with Joe. I had always had an issue trusting him. Whether it was his sincerity in wanting to help me or the things he tried to teach me. His actions always backed up his sincerity. His words were always helpful when I applied them. But for some reason, I did not trust him.

I started thinking back. I wanted to discover this trust issue. I relived moments with Joe, not just the actions but my thoughts and feelings as well. I hit upon a moment when I was about 5 or 6 years old.

A few days before the incident with my brother, we were in the car and I said “fart.” My mom told me I’d get my mouth washed out with soap if I ever said it again. (My mom had a real hard time believing she would do this, when I talked to her awhile back because her mentality had changed.) But that’s exactly what happened.

Joe and I were walking home from school a few days later and I started laughing. Joe asked me what I was laughing about, and I told him “I farted.” I would never have thought he would go straight to my mom and tell on me. I got my mouth washed out with soap and never let Joe close to me again.

When I realize this is where it all started with Joe, I mentally went back in time and forgave Joe for telling on me and myself forget and pissed at him for this. The little bit of a relationship I have with him isn’t good, at the moment. But, I have no resentment or bad feelings towards him. I’m able to look back at our interactions and see that he truly did care and wanted the best for me.

After dealing with this issue I had with Joe for 20 plus years, I was able to dig deep into other relationships and forgive even the slightest issues.

Not all issues will be easy to recognize. With Joe, I know the issue directly involved him and my trusting him. A major issue I’ve had is that I used to fall for any girl who gave me attention. Way too fast, and I’d fall hard. But, I would never let any get close to me and would usually lose interest within 2 weeks. Up until recently, when I’ve let my sister and mom get close, these were the only 2 girls in my life who held attention and I allowed to get somewhat close. Even being with my kid’s mom faithfully for about 7 years, I was never very vulnerable with her.

When I was little all my close relationships were with females and they all disappeared in less than a year. In first grade, I was in love with a girl named Charlene. We were inseparable in school and we’d sometimes hang out outside of school at the YMCA or at her house etc. She never showed up for the second grade.

There were 2 older girls that lived next door to us in Gilbert. I’d hang out with them a lot and of course, a 6-year-old boy spending time with 2 cute teenagers…I was hooked. Their parents separated, and they were gone.

I lost my mom and my best friend Brooke at the same time. Brooke is a girl my mom babysat. I had spent every day with her for as long as I could remember. My mom got a job and Brooke vanished.

I’m pretty sure my mom was a stay-at-home mom up until this point. I can’t remember her not being around. She started working 2nd shift right off the bat. Gone before she got home from school. Didn’t get off work until well after I was asleep. She was still asleep when I left for school. Her weekends were usually spent resting or taking care of the house. My mom was gone.

And then there was Melissa. My relationship with sis was and thankfully is again the deepest most meaningful to date. When I was 6, sis left home. I balled my eyes out and emotionally shut down when she got married. I thought I’d never see her again. She was one of the last to leave me and probably the only one I really needed to stay. Don’t get me wrong it sucked when the others disappeared. But life without my sister felt impossible.

I developed this idea/perspective that females I get close to will vanish and carried it through all of my relationships. When this old perspective of women leaving, when a relationship started to go south, I protected myself by completely destroying any chance at any type of relationship with them again. I wouldn’t just “burn the bridge.” I’d strap 100 tons of C4 to it and blow it sky high. Then send these scraps through a shredder and nuke the shredder with an A-bomb. I didn’t like physical warfare. I chose psychological, destructive words were my Atomic Bomber. What the fuck would I do if I took this same mentality into my relationship with my daughter?

But because I recognize a bad pattern, dug deep and forgave, I have amazing relationships with my mom and sister. A chance to be a good father not just to my daughter but to my son as well and any other kids I might have in the future. A desire to allow some women a chance to really see me for me.

With my brother, forgiveness obviously needed to happen. With the women that left me when I was young, I understood the situation that caused them to not be around, even then. What I didn’t understand was that I had held onto resentment towards them for 22 years. Going back and forgiving myself for being upset with them and them for leaving me, whether they had a choice in leaving me or not, was the only way to break the perspective of women vanishing. Believe me, 7 years I tried to change it. Sometimes forgiveness is the only way.

What needs forgiveness in your life?

What in your life can only change with forgiveness?

Changing From a Subconscious to a Conscious Mind

A key factor in changing from a subconscious to a conscious mind is how we view everyday situations. Our perspective of what’s going on around us. Say you’re in a grocery store. A few feet down the aisle is another person looking in your direction, mumbling under their breath. What is your first thought? Be honest with yourself if you want to change because deceiving yourself will get you nowhere.

I know a lot of people who have one perception of this scenario and some will automatically act on it, confronting the person, thinking they were just insulted, only to find out that the person was looking at a product just beyond and talking to themselves. Or maybe they were on a Bluetooth, or they might even just be enjoying talking to themselves. This person is simply looking in your direction mumbling nothing more nothing less.

Living consciously is seeing the events around you for what they are without over-analyzing or judging. Eventually, you might be able to see most things in life are exactly what they are. This is a goal of mine and it takes time and a lot of practice.

It doesn’t matter if these concepts are new to you or if you’re already using them. The process of changing thought patterns is always the same. The first step is always going to be recognizing the issue or situation and how you viewed it. I recommend that you acknowledge that your perception may be a little warped or off.

By acknowledging this you open your mind to other options of what might be happening. Sometimes you can think of plenty of options yourself. Sometimes you’ll need to get someone else’s perspective.

How do you view what’s happening in your life? Is there a chance that view might be a little warped or off?

W.T.F.

I read, I pray

I sink, I swim

Where did this pain truly begin

Was it with family

Was it with friends

Was it with lies that were told

With the original sin

My heritage tells me I need to be this

The government tells me I need to be that

Fuck them

I can’t make a rabbit come out of a hat

Who am I.

I wasn’t me from the start

I discover myself when I’m torn all apart

I’m learning to be who I want ME to be

It’s here and now I’m discovering me

Think outside the box.

Think outside the box. What is the box? I heard this asked on TV the other day. In this sense, the box cannot be solely defined as one thing. It is something that can be thought about and we can think about anything. One box can be our view of the world. Another box is the situation we find ourselves in. As you know, this site is about finding the best option.

Sometimes these situations are good to be thought about from a creative angle. A lot of times it’s best to stay with proven methods. In such a fast-paced world we would get very little done if we got creative with everything.

Business is a good example. It’s necessary to be creative with a new product or idea, but when it comes to selling that product and running a business it’s usually best to stay with proven methods. Check out how other successful people have sold similar products and try their methods. There can be a lot that goes into these methods that those successful people have already taken the time to figure out.

I love entrepreneurs and I love Shark Tank. In an episode a few weeks ago, the guy had a few really awesome ideas. I liked them and so did The Sharks. The guy had two really good products and a small stand, worthy of hotels and resorts around the world. He got shot down. He was stuck in creative mode and wasn’t focused on building a business with proven methods. I’m not going to try to figure out why he didn’t switch his method. It’s not my place. I am however making it a mission of mine to get people to realize the importance of having multiple choices in life. Thinking to choose the best one and having the ability to switch mindsets when you need to.

This guy on Shark Tank, if he had switched gears and done a little research on how to strategize his sales and business and focused, he probably would have never needed to go into the “Tank.” With all the books and infinite information on the internet, finding proven strategies isn’t difficult. Russell Brunson has some books out there that literally tell you the websites to go to figure out who your competitors are selling to and how they strategize. The info is out there.

Switching mindsets goes deeper than money. My sister and daughter came to visit me recently. During the visit, my daughter got upset during an UNO game and started crying. I want my daughter (on here I’m going to call her Jenna) to talk to me and not close off like that. I was doing everything I could to get her to talk, short of bribing her. Nothing I was doing worked. I looked at my sister, Melissa, knowing she has more experience with kids. She basically told me to ignore Jenna and not to “feed the tantrum.” I’ve heard this before and even though I didn’t care for it because I wanted Jenna to talk to me, I tried it. You know what happened? Jenna stopped crying in about 30 seconds. This is a proven method. Even though I probably won’t like doing it in the future, I will do it because it works.

When I was in 3rd grade, if I had known the importance of being able to switch mindsets, I might not have resisted the proven methods taught by my teachers in math. That’s a big IF and a big MIGHT but if I’m able to teach my kids the importance of being able to switch mindsets, I may be able to help them avoid some serious issues in life. I will teach my kids and they will have a choice.

Are you able to switch from being creative to staying with proven methods? Or completely avoiding? Which one is best for your current situation?